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Remember Me

Posted by: John_Hamilton on 07/05/2012 09:47 PM Updated by: John_Hamilton on 07/05/2012 09:52 PM
Expires: 01/01/2017 12:00 AM

Respirit – Week 21 “Caught in a Flood” By Catherine Lewallen

Murphys, CA..Yesterday we celebrated the birth of this great country. Hopefully you enjoyed your family as much as I did on this special day. We remembered the principles upon which this nation was founded, despite the diligent efforts of contemporary historians to hide those facts from Americans and their children. We are a Christian nation. That means we are welcoming and loving and accepting of all others. But above all, it acknowledges our belief in One God, Jesus Christ. Yesterday, when I witnessed firsthand an absolute miracle, I was brought to my knees in awe of a true Day of Independence...

Over the course of the last few weeks, I have experienced a tremendous peril. Sadly, I was becoming disheartened by the inability of law enforcement to protect abused women. (Don’t worry… I’m not speaking of my boyfriend, who continues to be the most caring and wonderful man ever!) I am not a cynical person, but I was frustrated by a system that frankly does not work. I don’t have the answer or a solution to this problem, so please take my comments simply as observation. I am also not complaining about our local officers or agencies, because I didn’t witness any negligence. In fact, they seemed incredibly empathetic. But legally, they were impotent.

So I found myself in a difficult situation. In attempting to adapt to the problem, nothing worked. I am a problem-solver, but I felt like I was trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. No, it felt more like I was banging my head against a wall! I had never experienced so many obstacles and insurmountable circumstances. I even had to step away from the situation for a few days, which is definitely not within my character. I usually relentlessly persevere, even to a fault.

So I felt trapped. I felt like I still wasn’t free from a danger from which I’d been trying to escape for years. I couldn’t legally protect myself. I couldn’t financially protect myself. I certainly found solace within my faith in God, which was a good thing because that’s all I had on which to rely. I just thanked Him every evening for getting me through the day safely and then prayed the next morning that He would get me through that day as well. There is nothing as horrible as being shackled to terror.

I must admit, couple this burden with the burden of cancer, and life seems pretty difficult. As I navigate my first summer on Zelboraf, I am struggling. The fight against the photosensitivity is so hard. My stomach issues are really wearing on me. But the worst is the fatigue. I have never been so tired. I continue to work full-time and do my usual service work, only to collapse into sleep for hours the second I walk in the door. I could sleep 12 hours through the night, and still desperately need a substantial nap in the afternoon. With the addition of this immense stress, I was feeling overwhelmed.

So I turned it over to the Lord. I stopped taking action. I was unable to explain my uncharacteristic desire to just “wait it out,” but it felt right. To an observer, it would appear I was just doing nothing. But sometimes we are called to wait patiently on the Lord. In Psalm 37, David writes: “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.” That is exactly what I was witnessing. Sometimes bad people win, at least seemingly, and temporarily. It is hard to endure such obvious unfairness.

But in the face of evil forces, I made a difficult concession. To give in. I relented to the evil to free myself from it. I took on an enormous loss to enjoy a tremendous gain – personal independence. “Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God?” 1 Corinithians 6:9. That has to be enough. Knowing that you will be safe eternally has to be enough to tolerate the evil people here on earth.

So about a week later, I was still waiting for a solution, and a friend and fellow Christian woman literally walked in the door. Effortlessly and naturally, I shared my troubles with her. Instantly, her response was that of charity. She knew exactly what do. It was a solution I didn’t even know existed. I never would have come up with the answer myself. And God had kept me out of my own way for weeks just waiting for this moment.

I came in touch with an amazing ministry that helps women like me. Single moms…. Working moms… Women not living with a man outside of marriage. The next day, the Lord put me back not just in the position I was in before, but in a better position! Incredible. My Savior freed me.

If I hadn’t seen it myself, I don’t know if I would have believed it. The set of circumstances that God created are well beyond human capacity. It was perfection. He also gave me an amazing teaching moment, not only with my own son but with all you readers here today. It was a tremendous reward for living as He desires. I continued waiting and believing and living faithfully in the face of a human impossibility. But He picked me up, not because of any goodness within me, but because of His Greatness.

I experienced firsthand that God is capable of so much more than we can even imagine. I had not even begun to pray for such a turn of events. After freeing me in so many ways last year through the presence of this horrible disease, He then healed me. Last week, He broke my chains completely free, and then restored me.

So once again I am overwhelmed by His Grace. I feel like I have been completely washed over with His Mercy like a flood. I am refreshed by the glory of His Magnificence. I am carried away by the immensity of His Love. And with what struggle remains in being a single mom fighting cancer, the opportunity remains to be a witness to His Presence.

Editors Note...Catherine's fight with cancer and the manner in which she has fought it publicly has been an inspiration to many. If you would like some context and a more personal look at her battle you can find it on the Caring Bridge Website Here! We would like to welcome Catherine as one of our contributors and we hope her story can help you along your journey in life.

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