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Posted by: thepinetree on 05/14/2007 06:40 PM Updated by: thepinetree on 01/03/2008 08:58 AM
Expires: 01/01/2012 12:00 AM
:

Blind Dates, or, Do You Want to Go Out With Someone Just Because They’re Nice? ~ By Karen Wildwood

When looked at objectively blind dates are strange situations to find yourself in. To be set up on multiple blind dates says something about you that can leave itself up to interpretation, in other words it is a wobbler, to coin a word from the legal profession, that can land on either side of the single fence....


The wobbler aspect of it being either people like you so much they want to set you up with only the finest single specimens of the opposite sex, or, they think you’re so undatable, but really like you anyway, that they figure you need some help in the dating department.

If you are like me you have been set up on blind dates far more than your fair share of the time. When I was single the first time around, it seemed like every mother, grandmother, sister or cousin was more than willing to set me up with their, ‘really nice but running on a bit of bad luck finding a nice girl’ son, grandson, brother or other related male. And no, I’m not sure which side of the wobbler fence I fall on, and am not sure I want to know either.

At that time I didn’t mind be set up with the odd assortment of blind dates I found myself on, because, quite frankly, it was not only an interesting diversion, but you never know who you could meet. The phrase you have to kiss a lot of frogs comes to mind. During that time in my life, inevitably only one in the multitude ended up developing into a relationship.

Now I am older and hopefully wiser, although this does seem to be in doubt more often than not, I am a little more wary about the whole blind date process, if only because I have quite enough diversions as it is, thank you very much, and am not particularly inclined to add one more burden of trying to find the time to go out on a date with someone I have never seen to my list of things to do.

First of all, when someone is trying to set you up on a blind date, it seems like they inevitably say ‘he’s a really nice person.’ Now on the surface of things this looks like an okay prospect, who doesn’t want to go out with a nice person? The problem is this does nothing to let you know why you should go out with him or her. My ex. is a nice guy which is one of the reasons I went out with him in the first place, but, I certainly wouldn’t want to go out with him again, after all, look where it got me the first time around.

Take note, just because two people are nice, like the same sport, or went to the same university, that does not mean they will have anything else in common and will even like each other enough to spend any amount of time together at all.

So I’ve decided when someone tries to set me up on a blind date with someone nice, which has happened a few times already, to ask a few more questions like, ‘why do you think we’ll get along?’, ‘how long have you known him?’, ‘do you think our personalities will mesh?’ or the inevitable, ‘how well does he get along with his ex. and/or his children?’. These all can give you a surface view of whether or not you actually want to take the time to, number one, talk to them on the phone. Then if they can actually speak coherently, number two, meet them for coffee.

Now the fourth question may sound a little weird and actually rests on those in the resingle world who have actually been divorced. It is a really good indicator of the maturity level of someone if they can distance themselves from the emotions of their break-up and try to actually get along with their ex. Of course, you’re not going to get along with your ex. all the time, that would be a little freaky in and of itself, but having at least some sort of objective view of them indicates that at least you’re dealing with someone who’s moving on.

Another thing that I’ve found is important is to not only listen to what someone is telling you about the possible future date, but listen to what they’re not telling you as well. It’s only natural for someone who’s trying to set you up to only tell you about the positive traits of that other person, but, usually there’s a subtext to the conversations that bears listening to.

For example, if the potential date is a golfer, the person setting you up may say he or she really likes golf, but what they don’t tell you is they will sell their soul, and anyone else who gets in the way, for a game of golf. The only way you can figure this out is to determine how much ‘really likes’ means to the person you’re talking to, and, if it means the potential date is at the club or the driving range everyday and you can’t stand the greens, it stands to reason that you aren’t really going to hit it off.

Sometimes, though, you just have to go out on a blind date to figure out whether it was worth going out on the blind date. There’s always the off chance that the person setting you up has actually taken the time to look at both of you, your tastes and personalities, and set you up accordingly.

But, if you are really busy or otherwise are not inclined to go out on a blind date then by all means steer clear of them, although, there is one glaring benefit to the infamous blind date, it takes a lot of the legwork out of finding someone to go out with.



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