Posted by: Kim_Hamilton on 12/10/2007 11:50 AM
Updated by: thepinetree on 01/03/2008 09:16 AM
Expires: 01/01/2012 12:00 AM
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Celebrating the Holidays with Someone Special for the First Time~By Karen Wildwood
Now, when you’re young and in love for the first time, you can’t wait for the holidays to come around. In your fantasy soaked brain they are a time when you can show how much you truly care with the gifts you give that special person and the time you spend with them that will make rich memories to be savored later on in life. This is how it should be the first, and if you’ve chosen correctly the last, time around. No matter who you are and what’s happened to you in your life, I wager when you picture all the wonderful firsts of Christmas with your very first love, you can’t help but get the warm fuzzies all over again....
It’s a little different the second time around.
There seems to be a great divide between the emotional anticipation of the holidays spent with your very first love, who of course you will be with for the rest of your life, and the holidays hurling towards those of us who have found ourselves in the realm of the resingle and in relationship which means we’re doing this for the second, or more, time and are not particularly looking forward to it.
Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m always more than happy when the holidays are over. There’s a huge amount of stress that accompanies the season that has little to do with the fact that we’re all supposed to be celebrating the birth of Christ. Because, after all that’s what Christmas, if that’s what you’re celebrating, is all about. Even if you happen to be celebrating something else, there’s still a lot of stress involved with plotting a course to get you through and around during this time of year.
When you’re in a new relationship navigating this trying time is no easy feat because there’s a whole lot more to consider when you’re coming into this arena from the resingle market than when you’re approaching it from the regular single market. The reality is you’re probably actually bringing in two sets of children, extended families, family distances and ex’s. This combination makes trying to tie it all together look more like Halloween than a time of peace, love and joy.
When you’re young and in love there is very little compromise in how the holidays will be spent. There is no question that they ‘will’, not ‘should’ mind you, but ‘will’ be spent together, no if’s, and’s or but’s about it. Yet, when you’re doing this for the second time around, the unyielding word ‘will’ actually does change to ‘should’ depending on the circumstances. In other words, yes, you both know you should spend them together, but depending on other factors, that may or may not happen.
Let’s face it as you get older you realize that you have to give and compromise a lot more in a lot of different situations. This goes hand in hand with thinking of the other person more than yourself. And, since being resingle by definition pretty much means you’re no spring chicken, translate that as old, then you have lived long enough to know that you need to compromise when you need to compromise, let go of it and move on.
During the holidays you need to rely on this concept quite a bit because there are things that come up that may require every bit of your ability to put that concept into practice Did I say you need to compromise during this time? Yes, I know, but it’s worth repeating. If you can’t spend the actual holidays together, it may not be a relationship killer like you would have thought when you were young, but you need to be very clear as to why you aren’t putting each other first and whether or not that state of affairs will continue in the future. This also applies to what traditions you’re able to keep, whether or not you give gifts and how they are given, along with a laundry list of other holidays related issues that don’t come up at any other time of the year.
One of the biggest things about doing the relationship thing for a second time is that hopefully you hash things out a little more so there’s no unresolved issues floating around or loose ends hanging out there that you may have just left dangling when you were younger. And, let’s face it, the holidays are a field full of landmines of unresolved issues whether they have something to with your relationship or not.
So, if you’re celebrating the season with a special someone for the first time, whether you’re a young single or an older resingle, remember to focus on what the season’s really about. After you do that remember to enjoy your first holiday season together because no matter how you choose to celebrate, it will always be your first.
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