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Posted by: Kim_Hamilton on 11/28/2007 07:25 AM Updated by: thepinetree on 01/03/2008 09:14 AM
Expires: 01/01/2012 12:00 AM
:

The Dilemma of Gift Giving~By Karen Wildwood

Black Friday is over and the countdown to gift giving has begun. If Friday was any indication, it looks like retailers will be happy this holiday season and with Christmas a mere four weeks away the sweaty palms, heart palpitations and all around anxiety that can only be caused by shopping fever is being felt for those close-to-last-minute and not-so-close to-last-minute gift givers....


Holiday gift giving is a delicate balance between spymaster and detective because you need to not only figure out what people may want but also where to find that gift.

Unlike birthdays or other dates where gift giving is appropriate and expected, Christmas gift giving takes on a whole different perspective, partly because you’re shopping in multiples and partly because the time leading up to it is so busy with other obligatory Christmas activities. Who wants to go shopping when you’ve been to too many parties and holiday programs?

In order to get ahead of the shopping curve, I am one of those bizarre people who actually shops for Christmas during the entire year, but, I still feel shopping fever coming on at this time of year. Partly because I can’t seem to find many of the gifts I’ve hidden throughout the year in those, oh so perfect hiding spots. This leads me to shop again. Inevitably those gifts that could not be found in December will show up around Easter. In my house, the Easter Bunny rivals Santa Claus in popularity.

Or course shopping early doesn’t always work out and not just because finding the gifts months after you’ve bought them can become an exercise in creative discovery usually only employed by archeologists. Shopping early doesn’t always work because sometimes you don’t know who you will be shopping for. Beyond the regular family members or significant others, for those of you settled in relationships, the rest of us may or may not have that special someone to buy for when the end of the year comes around.

But, no matter if you’ve just started a relationship or been in one for years, Christmas shopping for that special someone can be an endeavor fraught with pitfalls and potholes that rival those encountered by American soldiers wading through the backroads of Europe during World War 2.

Depending on how long you’ve been seeing that someone, or even in a committed relationship with them, the gift is often viewed as a reflection of not only how much you care about that person, as in I care about you so much this is but a small token of my affection. But, and this is the potential black hole that you may sink into for a year until next Christmas when you might be able to redeem yourself, the gift becomes a reflection of how well you know them.

If you give a woman a Cuisinart who hates cooking in an effort to spark her interest, that’s not good, if she likes cooking and doesn’t mind getting appliances, it’s good. If you get a guy tickets to the theatre in an effort to make him appreciate the arts more, but he would rather go to a Kings game, that’s not good, if he likes the arts, it’s good. The kicker is when you get them a gift, like a Cuisinart for a non-cooker, and really believe that person will like the gift.

This faux pas goes beyond subtle gift manipulation, it goes into the realm of maybe should you rethink your relationship.

If you rethink your relationship and decide that this is the person for you, but are woefully out of touch or just lousy at gift choosing, there are a couple rules to gift giving that were handed down to me from my Aunt. Yes, my Aunt Mabel who is so good at dispensing relationship advice is also good at dispensing gift giving to your significant other advice.

Aunt Mabel’s rule number one is, listen to them. If they say they want a weedwacker, don’t get them a lawnmower just because it’s bigger and more expensive. Bigger and more expensive doesn’t trump giving a person what they really want. Plus, by giving them something that is in the realm of what they want, but not what they want, you aren’t going too impress them with your ability to think on your own. All you’re going to impress them with is your stubborn inability to listen to them.

Rule number two, don’t think on your own. If you’re repeatedly having trouble choosing a gift for the person you love, don’t go out on a limb, yet again, thinking that you have the perfect thing for them. Refer to rule number one and keep your own thoughts about what you want to get them to yourself. If you do insist on getting them what you want to get them regardless of what they may want, then do it as a surprise during a completely different and non-stressful time of the year. That way they’ll be impressed by your thoughtfulness and the gift itself will take a backseat to how wonderfully considerate you are.

Rule number three, get them what they would like, not what you want them to have. This can be a bit tricky because sometime what you want them to have is really cool. And there is a one in a million chance that this really cool gift will finally hit the jackpot of gift giving, but, if you have a lousy track record, chances are you should refer back to rules number one and two. After all it’s about letting them know how much you care about them by giving them what they want. In other words, it’s about them, not you.

Of course, if you’re already an expert gift giver you don’t need the rules because chances are you’re already following them. But, for those of you who are gift giving challenged, if all that fails and you still can’t figure out what to get them, especially if it’s December 24, a gift card should suffice, that way they can just go and get what they want when they want it. Just don’t get them a gift card to Barnes and Noble if they’re into electronics.




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